Smoking Gun

President Prior called me into the office to discuss my memo about last night's interviews for a new housemate. He had been unable to attend, and there had been a unanimous vote in favor of a fellow named Chance, who has a gorgeous sister who looks like Tracy Nelson (the late Ricky Nelson's daughter).

The president was in a better mood today, but still had me standing to deliver, so to speak. He's still a little sore about my mispronouncing his last name in good company.

I explained that although the vote was unanimous, we could re-open the entire proceedings tonight, or next weekend, so he could be included in the discussion (his information based entirely on my memo, of course.)

He is still intriqued by K.B.'s notion of finding a "Lardo The Tardo".

I said that one of those men interviewed almost fit the bill. But the fellow mentioned living off of his 93 year old grandfather, and having at one time seriously considered murdering the old man.

"Off-putting?" asked the president.

"Yes sir."

He nodded. "What about this other fellow, er, ah.."

"Chad, sir. "

"Not Chance, right, the other fellow, the one in and out of prison. Chad the Pud. He has a lot of kids to support. It means he'll work if he's sober."

"Yes. And Chad is a plumber so I think he can get a job right away, after they let him go."

"A plumber. I'm a plumber."

"You are?"

"Anyone can say they're a plumber. Remember we're dealing with crooks. Liars. Desperate people."

"He was the only other choice the brethren might have voted for," I repeated from my email.

The president frowned and shook his head. "Tough choices. This Chance fellow sounds like he could get in anywhere. There are 16 Oxford Houses in this town, did you know that, H.R. "Bob"?"

(The President calls me H.R. now, and then "Bob", crooking his fingers in quotation marks.)

He continued, "I don't like not being included, although it couldn't be helped due to my pizza route."

"Right," I said.

"Sometimes I think we should consider who is in the most urgent need of help. Chance also has somewhere to stay for the rest of the month, you wrote."

"Right."

"He fixes cars though, and we've got that broken down, stolen one in back..."

"Is it stolen, Sir??"

"It doesn't have any plates, anyway, and we don't know who it belongs to. Anyway, I'm not sure about closing this matter. Not at all. Maybe we should have another set of interviews next week.

"You'd like having your suite for another week, wouldn't you H.R. "Bob" ?"

I said the men may give us some flak if Chance isn't let in. I reminded him about the sister. I wanted to play fair, reminding him, and warning him.

"We'll see if we can start over. Between you and me, we'll find a way. Send up a trial balloon and see if they'll salute it."

I said thanks, and that I appreciated it.