Resting in pieces

School's out with a doctor's excuse,

it being May and my needing to be in some critical care unit for a full battery of...well, for a full battery. I have a wild blood stream due to miscalculated synthetic thyroid.

Or! It might be too much too much coffee coffee.

Actually, the Newspaper Factory is out, what am I talking, school... she's just a brick metaphor for the pile of bricks you always hope to see each morning, arriving to work.

Back now from collecting my paycheck. The university is still full, but the town is teeming with parents. There are lots of slow moving vans and double parked SUVs as you drive near downtown, in my case baking in my black, A/C-less Cavalier in the mid-afternoon sun.

Left turn lane, waiting for my chance to turn on to Small Bear from Big Bear. The oncoming traffic is backed up in one lane, closest to me, while the other lane is fast and free and hard to see. Someone in the slow lane stops and waves for me to turn in front of her.

No, no. Follow the traffic rules, madam. Be predictable. Your gracious good intentions will bloom in glass and blood. You think I'll make it, do you?

The friendly smile falls. Sometimes we don't get the friendly reaction we expect.

I pulled over for gas and all ten stations were full, so I semi-circled back around onto the main road. Some fool riding his bike in the midst of this tight traffic jam. Cars from behind braking, then giving him a wide berth.

There's a sidewalk three miles along this highway, scoff at that law, use it.

I am always so grouchy. Ha, ha! Ah, me.

Floor it here, get in front of him for sure or I'll go up on the sidewalk myself.
____

Last night suddenly she was squeezing my arm and saying, measured and calmly, "John, honey, it's me, Dee. I just want you to know you're at home, in bed, asleep."

: - |

Yes, yes that was true I could see. I was home in bed. Can't remember believing otherwise, but hmm...

Sit up and take a drink of this strawberry Nee-Hi to cleanse my palate. Flop back onto my pillow and reflect on zero.

I couldn't recall having just survived any fearsome, struggling nightmare, so I went back to Zeep. That was all. It wasn't until this afternoon I remembered any of this.

What she witnessed, I have no idea. Was I talking in my sleep. More fearfully, was I making sense??

"I don't care what you do to me, Ya think I'm afraid!? I'm ...Wait! Not that! Not there! No! Not again, I'll tell you everything, I'll give you names, addresses, I'll draw you a map, all my friends, my family, to heck with them, what do I care, just put it away! I'll do anything. I'll floss! Ok? I'll floss, I promise you! No I really mean it this time i mean it i mean it i will i will!"

I remember dozing off in high school psychology class once and the teacher called from the front of the room , "Jackson, don't do that, it's embarrassing people".

"Wha-?"

"Just stop."

Six girls turned in their seats, dis-interested dark eyes giving me the once over, then quickly turning back around...

In retrospect I can see now that my teacher was a god-damned sadist. High School Psychology was a dangerous thing in his hands.

I was totally baffled, what I'd been "doing". It was an accidental snooze. He must have known that his mysterious words would fill me with horror and dreading wonderment. What might I have said in my sleep at age 17??

I was embarassing people? Please tell me right away you're joking.

I never go to class reunions, but that's because in my four years there I never met anybody. Hehe, that's true almost. I was a shy kid, transfered from a small town.

After class he waved me away, and wouldn't tell me. Mr. Beam, I remember his name now. That son of a bitch...