Life In The Baffle Gate

Tomorrow I'm going to say to one of the older Kettle kids: "Do you know what I always hated about these holiday get-togethers? It's having to put up with the questions people ask, like how school or work is going. Having to be prepared to answer all those questions. The large talk instead of the small talk. Maybe the small talk is worse. Geez..."

And then of course I'll proceed to query. At least they'll see it coming. Will the sympathetic prologue make it easier?
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Dr. Mayflower introduced me to a young genius named Caitlin, who then spent 45 minutes explaining her job duties.

The tools she uses to manage all the data tables about their test and control groups of young children in some new Year Zero reading program. Quality control, tracking, scoring... even bribing parents with gift certificates to Walmart so they'll let their kid be included in a survey...All that plus making sure the assessors don't over-charge the foundation for gas mileage.

Afterwards the doctor had me in his office. Dr. Mayflower is a goofily happy man, feigning surprise when you arrive at your appointment, laughing as if he forgot all about your coming and about how scatter-brained he is.

It works for me. I'm not intimidated as long as he's never serious. Whatever truth wills out about him will be mitigated if I'm on salary.

He didn't have any more questions, as I expected he would. He wanted to know if I had any questions. He smiled, closed his hands in a scholarly-prayerful way (or fingertips to fingertips, I forget) and his eyes zoomed in on me for what I realized was the penultimate challenge.

I'd remembered but forgot to be ready for this. I'd even said to a friend, it may be more important what questions I have for him, to show any depth of understanding. My hesitation mirrored back on itself: "I'm hesitating".

But the key words finally came and I set him off about government funding and grants.
He talked about last years disappointment when their Early Childhood Education Bill tanked. He confided, "Most of us here are liberal but we understand we have to deal with all types." Then he laughed about the Republicans fighting one another now in our state legislature and asked me if I'd been following the news.

I had to admit, I've never followed local or state politics. I couldn't explain either, why I follow the federal government so much more closely. It was a bad moment and he gave me a remedial lecture on civics.

The truth is I just enjoy having national heroes making liars of national villians. It's my pro-wrestling or something. It's my Reality TV, is all. Entertainment. These are interesting times when you're tucked away in the midwest with the internet and sattelite television.

He mentioned that our state ranked #50 in some recent study about our education system. "I really thought that would shame the Republicans into action. I did."

I said I could imagine. "They probably say someone has to be last. Yes, those Phylis Schlafely types. Tch."

The doctor said he used to believe in term-limits but now he thought it best that our legislators have the time to become better educated on the issues. I said something like, yes, term limits can lead to too many populists in control.

I think he may have sniffed something then. Maybe not. Bringing up term limits may have meant he'd already guessed my secret, I'm not sure. But then he asked again for questions. What questions did I have for him?

Well, god-dammit. Yes, can you tel me a little about our partnership with SCFC (Second Chance For Kids)? Caitlin says they test the control group...

"Yes. That's right."

Damn! Do not ask yes/no questions. Translate to open-ended.

"Could you tell me how The System For Quality Literacy relates to The OOF intitiative?"

"OOF is one of many intruments that fall in the category of The SFQL. That's something we'd show you in a flow chart if you should be hired. It's like that, you know. Some long winded titles and whacky acronyms aren't they!" he laughed, and startled me a little. "Any more questions?"

This time it occured to me that he was trying to end the interview, not test me. I said I was sure many more would occur to me. "You know how they do, too late while you're riding home on the bus, haha." I don't use the bus but anyway...

"Well, John. I can tell you that you're one of three candidates now. We still have to talk to one other applicant and then we'll let you know your answer next Tuesday!" He stood up smiling and shook my hand. I said that was terrific and considered for a second what to do: open his door or wait for him to open it and let me out? I decided to take the initiative and opened the door, thinking otherwise he would feel like he was pushing me out.

Now I think that was WRONG. I lost the job because I didn't let him open the door for me!! drat!
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So this is how it stands. I wait a week and re-train my mind to last Tuesday's simple wonder and joy at being hired at the bookstore.

Wanting something so terribly may be part of the underlying cause of my 'alcoholic' personality. Maybe at some young age I couldn't withstand even the chance of a disappointment. The most basic cowardice.

So I avoided healthy desire, and the years fell away like this due to a long forgotten decision I made sometime in my early teens. My "original project" in life was replaced with a new project to beat all my creditors to the grave.

Or something. And then of course kill the pain.

I keep telling Anonydoc that I'm "serene", but half the time I'm being wryly sarcastic. It's like I'm mocking the concept, until suddenly, lo and behold, I can report to her , hey i'm serene! No really, at this brief moment of time I really am!