dico, sermo, dubito (and why i prefer to write)

I know a girl who can write just exactly like she talks (which is what they seem to want you to do in 'writing' schools. Why, I've never quite understood).

There's an email here and...well, first let me tell you this...In the last few years, in my mostly celibate relationships, I seem to go directly from intitial courtship to when after the lawyers have settled some sort of alimony dispute.

This girl and I, once good friends, now bicker. We irritate one another.

She's called me on the phone twice in the last week, but I've never caught it in time or I've been asleep. So I call back and she answers in a manner that makes me think she's about to ask, "what are you calling me for?

And then she re-iterates news to me that she's totalled her parent's car, she's leaving town with her new borne, Scarlett, (whom I accidently called "Savanah" once, and now misspell, with only one 't'), and then, "listen, I got to go. Talk to you later."

Oh, I should admit that I made her mad last week when I pretended she hadn't already told me about the car accident, and allowed her to tell me about it all over again. (She's a stoner, relapsing regularly, and I wanted to see if I'd get the same story twice. I'm a prick, all right.)

Anyway, this morning I wrote to her, what's up, when I call you back, it's like you never wanted to talk to me in the first place, but you've called twice now and...

It's so odd how I can hear her voice in this reply, which I reprint because it's so funny. (Incidently, she also captures a part of me that I don't like about myself, but she does it so well I have to share.)

Now, shhhhh. This is almost like playing a recording of her voice for you. I mean, I have this illusion you will hear her.

I invite you to admire the writing, anyway.

"Are you fucked up on Codeine ?
I'm just not one to talk on the phone, I hate talking on the phone, so I call to extend my hand and
say Hey what's up. Also, I can't always understand you because you mumble, and it's like you're not confident about what you're saying so you'll talk over yourself sometimes and then breathe in while you're saying something, or just ramble, and it's very hard to follow and doesn't keep my attention; and it seems like you're distracted or something, so that's usually when I say goodbye.
I like to call, make plans, and then hang up.
It's Scarlett with two t's, dammit!
yeah, today is not a good day to do stuff, or tomorrow,
but after that it is fine."

See, now, a playwright couldn't do that so easily, even if he were writing a character based on himself.

I've started a response that begins, "Now see here..."

She writes like she talks. And she's not the only one with memory problems, by the way, because I don't remember wanting to make plans. That would mean having to find her house and picking her up. (I do want to see the baby again though. It's been more than a month.)

I'm wondering what I should advise her about her future. If I were demonic I'd tell her to get a degree in English and go to the Famous Iowa International Writers Workshop; but I don't have anything against her, per se, and certainly nothing against her parents.

The truth is, she's touched the Neurotic Nerve with that description of me on the phone. It's all quite true. I hem, I haw, I hemhaw.

(Contrary to my AA leanings, I want to ask: what part does she play in that?)

Dang kids.