We're getting somewhere

I've been invited to speak at St. Lukes tonight. *yawn*. I'm thinking of moving up to the Optimists Club. Or the Toastmasters! Learn to tap dance first...

In the year and eleven days of my intense therapy with Anonydoc, (email score Me:1098, Her: less) we may have matched me up with an important Concept.



Unfortunately, it's from a schizophrenic model; however, she knows I'm not psychotic, or politely says she knows, so it's just possible I picked this up somewherefamily.

The question is why I am always attacking my friends and trying to make them mad.

The concept is "warmth through friction".

Now, thankfully I'm not from a happy-sappy family, but maybe we spat each other's names more than we should. We're warm, in some ways, when we're laughing especially. But mostly we laugh (and deride) one another.

When I was a kid, I was always "cruising for a bruising". I'd get chased, knocked down, and slugged. (I mention this often, so you will note my physical bravery.) But finally someoneJerry wisely gave me a knock on the noggin and I saw the lightstars.

That was about the time we were all learning how to masterfully insult and demoralize one another, so there was a new game, I guess.

Here's what I do when I get bored-cold here and no one is writing me. First, I file a complain with CERN, which as far as I know is still in charge of the World Wide Web. They write back that everything is in order, or explainable, as in physics.

Then, I turn to my absent friends and I start to wildly exaggerate my grievance. That never works---almost never, except sometimes my anonydoc, who knows what I'm up to, promptly warns me of impending consequences. It's an email, anyway.

And then I carry on to the flanking movement, and there's a war. On my friends. Followed by my getting a silent treatment



that makes me go :(((((( with ten chins.

Next, I go troll any political board. The world at large, that is, for someone to demoralize, confuse, and possibly contribute to the Jeb in 2008 campaign.

Still and always, though, you have to wonder just what help it is, identifying the problem when it's plainly your nature. Like, I'm naturally a prick, it seems.

So one moves on to philosophy and religion or spirituality.

Will-power, even if it's in good working order,


isn't really the answer. Because you know why? Because you want to BE different, not just ACT different. You want good form and good health and good manners to be natural to you. That seems to be possible only through a higher power, not your own. Faith again, which also (at least finally) does not require will power either.

omigosh, the time. I'm on in 45 minutes and have to drive up'town.

thanks for visiting. Please leave comments, lots of comments since I need attention.